Why People Pleasing Will Only Hold Your Team Back

As a former people pleaser, I spent many years making (or should I say trying to make) my bosses and teams happy. But after a while, I realized that nothing good comes from repeatedly sacrificing myself for what someone else wants or needs. If anything, it’s the very thing that keeps me and everyone else from moving forward. So, naturally, I made a change and hung up my people-pleasing hat once and for all. And here are three reasons you should consider doing the same. 3 reasons you should stop being a people pleaser
  • It sets everyone up to fail – no matter how much you try, people-pleasing is an illusion. Think about it, say someone asks for your feedback at work. And because you’re afraid of what your boss or co-worker might think of your feedback, you end up giving them the answer you think they want to hear. When in reality, what you’re doing is hurting yourself by holding in your truth, not to mention the person on the receiving end that could have genuinely benefited from your honest and well-intended feedback.
  • It undermines your self-worth – when you’re constantly prioritizing someone else’s needs over your own, it can take a toll on your mental health and self-worth. And if there’s anything I can tell you about your self-worth, it’s not measured by how others view or value you but rather by how you view yourself.
  • It keeps you from being your most authentic self – if you know anything about me, you know I believe authenticity is your superpower like I believe in being the CEO of your life. And the moment you put someone else’s needs above your own, you’re no longer being honest, transparent, and authentic. What’s worse? You end up pretending that you’re being your most authentic self when you couldn’t be further from it.
Of course, all this is not to say there’s anything wrong with caring or wanting to help the people that matter most in your life—quite the contrary.  If you enjoy helping others, by all means, find ways to pay it forward. Just make sure that whatever you agree to isn’t because you’re feeling guilty, afraid of what someone might think of you, or you want to please someone so you can feel more worthy on your end.

B Pagels-Minor

B. loves product development and improving the processes of developing successful products. B. has worked with small (100,000+) companies to increase product adoption, improve the product experience and design, and evolve the product vision. From Mississippi to Chicago to Silicon Valley, B. has built their career around building great products for amazing brands while also working to enrich their community around them. B. is a trans nonbinary lesbian whose pronouns are they/them/their.


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